Richard

Richard

Richard was a professor at a local college and was held in high esteem by his students and colleagues alike.  I had heard about his good work but had never met him when he called me at the office asking for an immediate appointment, saying his need was urgent.  I agreed to see him after my last regularly scheduled patient at 7 PM.  I had just begun my private practice and was renting an office in an old building that was entirely vacant at that time of day.  My part time secretary had gone home several hours earlier.

When he entered the room I was impressed by his aggressive stride and his large and powerful physique.  He chose a chair opposite a massive butcher-block coffee table and I sat down opposite him.  Before I could do more than introduce myself he told me that he held a black belt in the discipline of Karate.  He went on to say that he was troubled by aggressive thoughts. He then looked at the coffee table, gesturing a Karate chop as he said he was capable of splitting my table in two.  With still more excitement and volume in his voice he exclaimed, “I could do the same thing to your skull!” 

After a brief silence I looked up at him and said, “You are scaring the shit out of me.”  After another brief pause I went on to explain that I didn’t think I would be able to be the objective and caring doctor he deserved if I were to be distracted by fear for my own safety.  He immediately relaxed and related a history of intermittent episodes of depression.  He also talked about current stresses in his life that included a ménage a trois relationship which had gone from beatific to horrific.  He talked about times in his high school years when he had had a problem with his temper and how he had struggled all of his life to keep it controlled. 

A few meetings later he explained why he had approached me in the way he had upon our first meeting.  He had read a lot about Freud and psychoanalysis and thought therapy would progress faster if he started out by expressing his most primitive and uncivilized “id” thoughts and feelings.

I saw Richard on several occasions when he felt the need to do so as well as to monitor his medications over the next 20 years.  I’ll never know what aggressive thoughts and fantasies he may have entertained during those times because he never shared them or directed them toward me.  In fact, a relationship that had begun with his frightening domination of me had quickly morphed to one in which he felt very dependent upon my approval, reassurance and even my advice.