Ella

Ella

Ella was in her mid thirties when she first came to see me and I continued to see her on a regular basis until her death 20 years later when she apparently choked while eating a piece of chicken. It still worries me that her medication may have impaired her ability to swallow and contributed to her demise. She had been previously diagnosed with schizophrenia but during the years I treated her she did not report recurrence of hallucinations or delusions.  She managed to live independently on her SSI payments.

Ella dressed and related like a troubled teenager. Like many in that age group, her aspirations had little to do with a realistic appraisal of her potentials. Her ambition in life was to become a famous violinist.  The first hurdle in her climb to fame would be for her to be accepted to play in the string section of our local symphony orchestra. It never happened in spite of the fact that she attended tryouts every year only to be rejected again and again. This, however, did not in any way diminish the fervor with which she continued to pursue her goal or her confidence in being able to accomplish it.

As I saw it I could best help her (in addition to monitoring her medication) by offering my unwavering support. She had no friends or family that were able to do so.   It turned out that the way this could be best accomplished was for me to become her audience.  She would bring her violin to our sessions along with a cassette player.  She had obtained a recording of a Mozart Violin Concerto that omitted the violin part and this allowed her to play with the back up of the symphony orchestra. She lacked pitch, rhythm and technique and after a few bars of the cassette recording, there was no longer any relationship between what she was playing and her accompaniment.  It was the kind of performance that had led her to be dismissed by the many teachers she had consulted over the years; however, my role was to listen and dismissal from my care was not an option I would have entertained. When our time was up she would put her violin back in its case.  I would encourage her to keep practicing, and in response she would smile, obviously pleased with her progress. 

Unfortunately, I do have an awareness of rhythm and pitch and an appreciation for the music of Mozart.  These early times with Ella stretched my capacity to provide the support she needed in the best way I knew how to give it.  As the years passed, however, I grew fond of her and her eccentricities to the point that I began to look forward to her concerts.

2006